Get Over It.. You Lost What Was With You.. Its Gone Forever

Why its becoming so difficult.. why this heart doesnt understand the reason.. why its so illogical.. why its creating problem for me again.. why it cries so much.. why its impossible to move mind away from her when I am alone or in crowd.. why I am still living in past.. I want to call her right now.. many times picked up the phone.. but couldnt dial the number.. I am feeling her inside me now..my heard aches when I think of her too much.. its the same aching for her that I felt always.. why I am not understanding she is not mine now.. I have lost her.. why I am being so childish when I know all the answers.. when I know its all over.. its finished.. ohh God help me understand that I have to move on..

My whole life I have given priority to reason. I have given advice to so many people. I have told them to follow reason over everything and I guess it was right advice keeping that situation in mind.. why I am not able to follow the reason .. People say you should think from heart.. but life becomes too messy and difficult when you think from heart specially in case of heartbreak.. If I want myself on my feet again.. I have to give reason a chance.. I have to recall my own advices to people.. its almost 15 minutes now that I am writing this blog.. I just want everything inside me to come out because if it stays inside than it kills me and I end up having hatred for her which I dont want..

I have always believed that whatever God does he does it for good. There may be some good in store somewhere. But right now I am failed to see it.. It feels like I have lost everything.. All the beautiful dreams, all great hopes, all talks of future got crumbled in front of my eyes.. I often wondered why we met in first place if the end was to be like this. I fail to see God's big plan behind this. I usually control myself with lots of positive feelings.. and different activities.. but tonight it seems I am all alone..

This feeling is becoming just too much to handle.. every single moment spend with her is coming in mind.. ohh God what should I do.. where should I go so that I dont think anything about her.. for past so many years she was part of everything of mine.. from waking up in the morning to sleeping in nights.. every moment I was coming close to her.. I couldnt see it coming that some differences between us became so prominent that we had to part ways.. Now its too late I know.. Its all babbling to just throw all thoughts out.. I dont want to remember any bad things... I never did.. I dont want to hold any grudge.. the grudge destroys the holder from inside.. and thats all I got with me.. my inner courage.. I cant afford it to be destroyed..

I have to rise again.. for past 10 years of my life .. I have just wasted them here and there.. I could have achieved so much .. I could have fullfilled some of my dreams.. I could have taken initiatives which may have changed something in society for better.. I just let myself rot and wasted time in doing all stupid things.. I think I still have time.. I have to make best use of this time..