Love is mostly Synonym of Pain

Its been a long time that I have written a blog. I was and still going through lots of emotional turmoil. I am in very bad mood today and anyone can guess the reason by having a look at topic. I have not been able to come in terms with few happenings in my life. Past one year feels like the lost year of my life. Now when I look back I suddenly find the people whom I was thinking, were closest to me are just drifting away from me. This lost year has been a great revelation for me. If God can remove this last one year than my life had been relatively peaceful. I am generally very private person and dont believe in divulging even a single bit of detail of my private life with others but sometimes you have to think of larger public good and try to warn people so that they dont commit the same mistakes and end up feeling miserable.

So this blog is best suited for all lovers who are just passing through "over the moon" period and thinking of getting married in future. Some time ago I wrote a blog which was about some useful tips for making a relationship stronger. All those points are still valid for "over the moon" period. I call initial 1 or 2 years in a relationship as "over the moon" period. I am just trying to give an average and this period may be longer or shorter depending upon temperament of both the partners involved. In this "over the moon" period you like almost everything about your partner. You never see any flaw in them, their walk, their talks, the way they sip water, their smile, their voice, their clothing, their personality or what not is liked by you so much and you just get yourself drowned in ever flowing stream of a beautiful thing called love. I pray that everybody's "over the moon" period lasts forever. But as you all know God always has some different plans than us humans and slowly most of start recognizing all kinds of flaws which were not seen in that "over the moon" period.

My "over the moon" period's end is created by my confused state of mind. She was always clear what she wanted. It was me who was living in some other planet of fantasy. Always thinking that its love only which matters and rest come secondary. But to my surprise she made me realise that love is not the only important thing if you want to take your love to logical end by getting married. I was really surprised when I later came to know that there are certain things which come as per with love when you thinking of settling down in marriage. Some of them are, your own likings how want the things should be after your marriage, adjustability, adaptability in new environment, compatibility in all aspects (financial included) as if any one between the partners is not open to adjustments than it would kill your relationship later on. Some 3 years ago I used to be very short tempered person who used to give a knee jerk and instantaneous shock and awe reaction to anything adverse. we started fighting continuously of trivial issues and it was like if anyone is opening his or her mouth the next few minutes we will end up fighting.

I was thinking too high of myself and believing that I can make anybody understand my position and they will see the good side of my sayings and behave that way. But she changed it all. She shattered so many myths which I was holding on for long and I must thank her for that. She taught me practicality of the world and how the sibling and parent child relationships work. She made me aware that there is a bit of selfishness involved in most of the relationships as I was holding some relationships as selfless. Well this is the good part that she taught me but the worst part was so worst that I couldnt imagine that she is capable of doing such a big damage to my peace of mind.

There is a element of hypocrisy in her, well there is certain degree of it is present in me also in some respect. I accept that I am not flawless but with her she is not willing to accept that. The problem with her is she is too rigid and aggressive to understand the things which I wanted for her betterment. She was saying that she wont accept any interfere from my family in her life after marriage. I was of the opinion that elders in family generally say something which we all dont like but just to maintain harmony we should just listen to their words and do what we feel like doing. She rejected the whole thing as interference and now what I see today is she accepting it all from the place where she now getting engaged. I told her that you will change with time but she shouted back that its impossible for her to change and now her future mom in laws says the same thing and she doesnt have any objection. There is a difference of financial status between her home and mine. The place where she is getting engaged now is much wealthier than even her family so she is accepting all suggestions from them as improvements in her while with me she thought that I was curtailing her freedom and making her do some slavelry.

When I pointed the confusion in her thinking regarding this she was very furious and accused me of many terrible things. I am still in some shock that she started getting along with her new fiance in just 2 - 3 days. May be for I was the lost case for her and she is more practical than me and obviously her new fiance doesnt know about our relation. Someone said to me that indian girls adjust pretty easily with their new fiance and generally bury the past deep with in them. Boys sulk more than girls. Well that may be case of her adaptability with her future hubby but it left me with terrible confusion about her personality. She used to say that money doesnt matter for her and I believed her because she doesnt have that kind of nature otherwise she wouldnt have loved me in first place. But I think her thinking has changed a little bit for people whose class is higher than her class. Earlier with my family she was thinking that she is superior and my family is inferior to hers and over here she is trying to play catch up with her would be's family. So she is ready to accept their comments as improvements from her existing get up. She used to say that she knows her dress sense and makeup and no one should tell her anything about it from my side of family. But she is happily accepting all the unwanted advice that would be from his more wealthy fiance's side.

I know I have my share of stupid things and what she is doing now has some history in making. I didnt have any idea of home life as I have been staying out of home for almost 13 years now. She had that idea and because of that we started fighting for so many small things. Best thing would have been elders from both families should have sorted it out. I was unlucky that my family members got pissed with something said by her family side. But people shouldnt change their basic behaviour. If they stick with something at some place than they should keep it always specially in love relationhips. I dont have any doubts in this that she loved me a lot but at the end moment when we had to take it to logical conclusion we got cold feet due to all stupid reasons. Now life is really lonely without her. She was part of my everything from morning to nights for past few years. Now she isnt there and its becoming more and more difficult for me to forget her. I hope people who are reading this can just take some cue from my sufferings and dont repeat the same mistakes as I did. May God save everyone's love from similar stupid things as mine.

This Too Shall Pass

Very Inspiring Forward Mail I got from one of my friends.. Please read on

Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them, ” Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstances, in every place and in every time. In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? One answer for all questions? Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me? Tell me is there any mantra?”

All the wise men were puzzled by the King’s question. They thought and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper, with a condition that the king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he can see it. The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.

Some time later, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. The King had to flee on his horse. The enemies were following him. getting closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road - that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished…and he could not return because it was a small road…the sound of enemy’s horses was approaching fast. The King became restless. There seemed to be no way.

Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was - ” THIS TOO SHALL PASS”

The King read it . Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes ! This too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. Like those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. A calm came on his face. He kept standing there. The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom.

The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were near him.

The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fanfare. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in अ festive mood. Flowers were being showered on King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself,” I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me. With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him.

Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again: “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”.

He became silent. His face went through a total change -from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness. If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by. We are witnesses of all this. We are the perceivers. Life comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.

Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. This too will pass. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent ? They all come and pass away.

Life just passes away. There is nothing permanent in this world. Every thing changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows. All have passed away. The problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever. Joy and sorrow are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away.

You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it, and enjoy the present moment - this too shall pass!