Is Pure Love an Oudated Concept & Practical Convenience is More Important?

वियोगी होगा पहला कवि , आह से उपजा होगा गान ,
निकलकर नयनों से चुपचाप , बही होगी कविता अनजान !!
"सुमित्रानंदन पन्त"

Closest English translation that I could come up with is " The first poet must have been in sad mood, the song would have been originated from his deep pain. The unknown poem must have been flown down quietly from his eyes."

I have always felt that when you want to write a poem you should have some mood first. This mood can be about anything, but it should be strong enough to arose your passion. Some subjects which are capable of doing that to me are patriotism, sadness out of love, philosophy, motivational feelings and love itself. What Sumitranandan ji is saying I believe in that. He was one of the greatest Hindi poet of modern times.

What I am trying to say is Love or deep feelings for certain things can change your life in a way that you can ever imagine. The same love used to be my source of strength and the same love has become cause of great sadness and pain. But what should be anyone's approach while dealing with such matters. Is love really an outdated concept now, which everyone uses for just having some quick gratification? or its much more than the practical convenience. This question bothers me as my life is currently experiencing this dilemma. A dilemma is always better when question of whole life is involved as your present actions decides your life's future.

We loved each other madly and deep down inside its still there. I hope it stays like that because in her I have known a good human being too. She is very good friend, a rare breed of girl who defies traditional norms and makes her own path. She is an amazing painter and wonderful guitar player. She is great with making handicrafts. He concentration is so great that when she gets involved in making something or creating something, she forgets even having food. She is a great conversation maker and she knows your trigger points. She knows how to make me happy or angry. She plays with my ego very skillfully. If you talk to her its rather impossible to not to fall for her. With in our first few talks, she got me and ever since I got hooked to her. Only problem with her is she is very moody and has very very angry temperament. When she has grudge on something than only God can save you. Her ego is something which destroyed lots of good things between us. I have never experienced such things in my life when I heard that before her ego even she cant stand. I always thought that since its our ego we can always control it but like many other beliefs that I was holding on, this too proved wrong.

She is very rigid and non adaptive. She doesnt care about other people's feelings and that makes her little selfish in nature. She says its her life and she wants to live it the way she wants. She is not realizing now that lots of things in life are connected and inter dependent. I hope she realizes it soon otherwise it would again be a problem for her. Everyone has the right to live their life as they want but I know that its always not going to happen. Many times you have make amends as per situation. She was ready to change her some negative attributes for me but not for other people. Some of these attributes she is changing now and I wish her good luck.

She toned down her anger to some extent and similar ways I changed too. From my side it was a natural change and being adaptive in nature I adjusted rather quickly. I wanted to keep her happy. I wanted to keep my family happy too. As I said in my previous blogs there are really few people who truly care for you and I tried to make those all happy. To my surprise it became an herculean task. Now I know you cant make everyone happy. For some close people's happiness you have to sacrifice some other people's happiness or you have to sacrifice your own happiness. She rightly said one thing that family members should be like they be happy in what you do rightly. She just wanted to keep me happy but still on her terms. She has given priority to her life above all. She took it as some challange which I couldnt understand. I still couldnt understand why our life is only our life? There are so many people associated with it and they have their share of it. Well this was something that neither she nor me were able to make each other understand.

Anyone's life is made up of their own unique experiences. How you grew up, plays very important part in your future life. This decides your likings and dislikings for certain issues and its really difficult to let go of it. This becomes part of individuality and if you are really a big egoist you wont compromise on any of theose things. Of their past experiences, some people change bad things and keep things, which they think good, throughout their life. I now know that because of this only elders say that they will decide our life partners. As they generally see it all while deciding on your marriage. I never knew it but now learned it in hard ways.

Earlier I was of thinking that its love alone which is sufficient to get you through life and its the only important thing. But now I learned that love will only work when both people are ready to make little adjustments for each other. Love is an important part but other things are also equally important. How much adjustments two people along with love can do for each other, is going to define, how successful your relationship is going to be. This thing will again work if one of the partner is ready to sacrifice it all for other. But this situation is not right and situation will become worse after sometime. Incidentlly she and me had disagreement on those few terms , on which we found each other on opposite ends. If either of us had blinked, we would have been enjoying life together. But we are two too much intelligent people and as the saying goes too much intelligent people cant get along after certain distance. I wanted sometimes to give it all up for her but later felt that it would again feed her ego, which would be bad for her in longer run. She was good in her own ways but I wanted to tone down certain things from her which would make her even better person. She believed in a very interesting saying which again I never heard before " you shouldnt try to become good for anyone, if you are bad than expectations from you are less and you can live a life which doesnt involve anyone's interference, as people will generally stay away from you."

It seemed a very interesting thought to me but I couldnt digest it. It seemed like more of a negative protentionist measure which you are building for keeping a status quo. I believe that status quo is not good if it was build upon negative thoughts. So I am in some way opposite to that thought. I think that there is no good in being bad, it hurts you in similar ways as it does to others and mostly it hurts those who are very close to you. These are the people whom you always wanted to keep happy so why to make them sad because of your bad behaviour.

So you can see that it was clash of wits and wisdom. I enjoyed intelligent discussions with her. Earlier when she saw that my arguments were strong she laughed it off but later she got angry with it and accuse me of being argumentative and bugging:). I liked her intelligence. They way she carried herself was amazing. Our Zodiac presiding planets were of clashing nature and it was written in our horoscope matching that we have to sacrifice our egos for each other and I think it was the thing which neighter of us was willing to do. I too became a little rigid my approach and that ended the only hope of us being together.

In overall accessment of the situation I am the biggest loser of all. She got whatever she wanted besides me, my family got what they wanted as they were hesitant of my getting married to her. She and me both chose their convinience above love. I know that we both cant forget each other. She said that deep down inside, her heart will always beat for me and thats sufficient enough for me to live my life. There is no feeling of any grudge now. I couldnt give her what she wanted besides love. Its fair that she weant ahead and took it from somewhere else. She was practical enough to realise that time is not on her side. Being a girl there are certain things that you cant do in Indian society and I always believed that everyone deserves the right to be a little bit selfish and think of their own good. My all theories and advices to others till now are getting validated on me. I just wished that subject of this test would have been someone else, but well this is what life is all about. You have to walk your talk. Overall I think that its me and only me who lost it all. I cant think of anyone besides her. How long this situation will remain like this only God knows. In these situations time is the only healer. My wounds will be healed with time but the time till they heal is the one, where I want God to provide me enough strength.